The Other Side of Dreams
I am not sure how important the idea of dreams are in other cultures, but in American culture, the idea is really important. Many have heard of the ionic ‘American Dream’. The idea was first coined in a popular book published in 1931 titled “Epic of America” by James Truslow Adams. Adams summed up the term by stating: “That dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability and achievement.” This idea has been loosely translated into the idea that anyone, regardless of where they were born or what class they were born into, can achieve their own version of success in a society where upward mobility is possible for everyone.
This idea has been motivating and comforting for millions of people over the past 250 or so years around the world. It’s the one thing in people’s mind when they say “let’s pack up and move to the land of opportunity!” It really is a wonderful idea.
Of course notches have been etched into this idea over time. Those born into wealthier families do have an easier time achieving what they want. Those of certain races and genders find upward mobility easier than most. Sometimes it does matter where you were born in order to achieve certain things. This is the reality of the situation.
In addition to this, another issue that can be addressed with the Dream is stated clearly within its framework: “… should be better and richer and fuller for everyone…” What ‘better’, ‘richer’, and ‘fuller’ mean is really anyone’s guess. Does it mean more pristine nature and clean living? Does it mean more wealth? Does it mean larger families with larger homes or small, full lives with little homes and few family members? What it means to achieve the Dream has always been ambiguous, whether it was meant to be or not.
In this text, I cannot speak to dealing with roadblocks for all to achieve the American Dream, nor can I address what it actually means to achieve the Dream. I can only speak to my personal experience with the idea.
For me, my first encounter with the Dream was when I was a small boy and my parents or another family member asked me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I am sure this experience is not unique. The phrase always stirred an anxiety in me, which turned into motivation, which finally turned into action. I set about planning future lives and taking steps to achieve these lives. I’d compare my progress in what I was passionate about to that future life so that I could say with confidence “I want to be so and so, and this is how I am working to achieve it.” This would get people to stop asking, but it seemed to have a negative effect that I wasn’t aware of. Something that did not manifest immediately but grew bigger and bigger over time.
Growing up, I’d change my future life over and over, working hard every time to achieve the new life. I want to be a chef, I want to be a marathon runner, I want to be a musician, I want to be a doctor. The experience of switching from one dream to another was excruciating, having to snuff out the old dream and skills to usher in a new one. There would be anxiety as to whether it was correct to change directions. It always seemed that I was killing that future me and it hurt.
The effects of growing and killing future lives grew and grew, manifesting themselves in the form of depression, anxiety, and unwanted grey hairs. The competitive nature of the American Dream only exacerbated these issues, where I would compare myself to my friends and family to see if I was good enough. When I would change direction I would start back at square one. This meant I would have to work extra hard to get back to the level of my peers. It wasn’t pleasant.
Through reading and learning and talking to others, I was able to add stop-gaps every time things went too far. I’d stop, breathe, and re-evaluate. And, recently, I think I’ve finally stumbled upon a good solution.
The idea isn’t new or complicated, but it is probably not discussed enough. The idea can be paraphrased as “take things one step at a time.” It’s something we’ve all heard before, but it actually is more powerful than we realize.
Taking things one step at a time has the effect of stopping us from building future lives. If we take steps every day to improve and make things better, then it really doesn’t matter where we end up. We just know that we did the best we could.
This idea rubs the wrong way sometimes in America. We often want young people to solve grand challenges like climate change, air and plastic pollution, social inequality, and wide-spread species extinction. This means we must build future lives to address these issues at a break-neck speed. But this just isn’t the right way to go about things. We can only take little steps every day. In fact, having a grand ideal to strive for isn’t as important as I once thought it was. All that matters is we take steps in some direction every day. This direction can change, but consistent progress must be made.
It will take time to explore this mindset and quite those years of being part of the American Dream. But I will shift my thinking, step by step. I hope others can too. It’s the other side of the Dream, the one where we stop looking up and start looking straight ahead.
